I'm A Mess Right Now
by laura4992
Summary: From CP Coulter's 'Dalton'. Post-Siege. Jogan. After reading a bad review, Julian returns to Dalton Academy after no contact with everyone since Hell Night. Rated T for swears.


Hey everyone! So on my Tumblr/Plurk I asked from more 'Dalton' prompts and the lovely Jaydeemz provided me with the following prompt:

'_Post-Hell Night. Review about J's acting comes out, comes back to Dalton for comfort after no contact with anyone_'

So here I have written it!

As you should all know, the characters mentioned in this fic (minus the OC mentioned in the article, who is just a random name) belong to CP Coulter and come from her fic 'Dalton'. The title isn't mine either, they're lyrics from Ed Sheeran's 'I'm A Mess' from his new album 'X'.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

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'_In Larson's latest role- Toby Robinson, the brother of this week's victim in NCIS- it was obvious that the actor was still getting used to being back on set after his stint in the hospital and subsequent physiotherapy._

_(For those of you that have been living under a rock for the past six months, Larson was in a coma for nearly two weeks after jumping out of the third floor window of Ohio's all-boys private school Dalton Academy's Art Hall after it caught on fire, killing teacher Gregory Harvey and injuring several other students.)_

_We all loved him when he played roles as a child- cast in films his father, Travis Armstrong, directed, mostly- but as a teen entering adulthood, you can't help but wonder how long the kid has left. His acting fell a little flat to say the least, and he just wasn't __believable__. Like, you just didn't get the feeling his sister had died. The rest of the cast were glorious, but Julian's future career is worrying; could it be coming to its end?_

_Larson has been cast in the latest Tim Burton movie 'Blackwater'- alongside other confirmed stars Robert Downey Jr., Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham-Carter, to name just a few- but with his acting depleting, could he ruin the film? We'll have to see._'

Julian knew he shouldn't have read the reviews, but after seeing numerous comments on Twitter regarding the article, he couldn't help himself. Was his acting really that bad in the show? He had just finished his physio when he was offered the role, and he didn't think he had been _that_ bad. But was the journalist right? Was his acting career coming to its end? Was he risking the success of 'Blackwater'?

After reading the article, he got in his car and drove. Just drove. He stopped off in hotels on the way, cheap, off-the-beaten-track hotels where paps wouldn't find him. He didn't have a plan on where he was going; he just followed wherever the roads took him. He stuck to Route 66 mainly; he'd always wanted to drive it and with no jobs planned, he decided he would take the opportunity.

It was late and he was on auto-pilot when he pulled up at his destination, parking up and getting out before locking his car and walking towards the grand, white-stone house. He let himself in- he'd had a key for years- and made his way up the stairs.

Halfway up, the brunet heard footsteps and soon brilliant green eyes were searing into him, wide and unmoving.

Silence passed between the two for a few moments. "Ju… Julian?"

He nodded. "Hey, Lo… gan." He didn't feel he was in a position to call him by his nickname.

They hadn't seen each other or spoken since _that night_, and if it was up to the actor, he would have kept it that way. He loved Logan and missed him terribly, but he knew things had changed, and he didn't want to deal with it. Hearing Logan say he didn't feel the same-

His thoughts were interrupted as his face jerked sharply to the left and there was a low, dull pain over his cheek. He turned to the blond, whose fist had lowered to his side as he glared at him- due to the stairs, they were the same height- then after a few moments of shock, Logan was shorter again and arms wrapped around him, their grip tight as the blond clung on to him, as if he didn't quite believe he was real. He hugged him back, his hands resting just under his shoulder-blades as he reacquainted himself with the feel of the blond's embrace.

They broke apart moments later. "What are you doing here?"

"I dunno." He answered honestly as they broke apart. "One minute I was in the house, reading this crappy review about my performance on NCIS, then the next I was on Route 66, just driving. I guess… I just needed to see you guys."

"But it's been _ten months_, Julian. You haven't responded to any of my texts or messages, or returned my calls, or _anything_. I've had _no clue _how you are since you left the hospital!" His raising voice caused a few lights to turn on, seen in the gaps under doors. Derek stumbled down the hallway moments later, his eyes sleepy however shocked, but Julian didn't notice. He was too busy watching the boy in front of him. "Why did you cut off all contact from us, then just show up, like nothing had changed?! You can't just pick us up and dump us whenever you want, Julian! We're not toys! We're _supposed_ to be your _friends!_" He paused a second. "So _why_, Julian? _Why are you here?_"

"I'm sorry, OK?!" He shouted, blinking back the tears. He inhaled deeply, his head lowering as he stared at his shoes, his voice quieter. "After everything that happened, after what I said… I couldn't bring myself to pick up the phone… I couldn't bear to face what happened… It was easier for me to just block it out and focus on recovering and work... I'm not even ready to now, but I just ended up here… But you're right, I shouldn't have come back. I'm sorry, I'll just-"

"_No._" Sepia eyes shot up and met bright green orbs- brighter than usual from the tears threatening to spill from the Prefect's eyes. "You can't leave. Not again. I don't think I could take it if you left again… If I never saw you again…" Logan dropped his head and took in a shuddering breath. "I love you too. I'm sorry it took me so long to realise, but _I love you _and I didn't let myself realise that because everyone I've ever loved either doesn't feel the same or hates me now or leaves, and _I couldn't handle it if you left me too, Julian!_ I've been a _mess_ since you left; I've just about kept it together!" He raised his head and met the brunet's gaze again, tears streaking from sepia eyes. "Please don't leave again."

The house was deathly silent for a few moments as the actor got his head around what he had just heard before he shook his head. "OK." He said quietly.

"OK?"

"OK." He repeated. "I won't leave. I'll stay."

The grin that took over Logan's face was probably the most beautiful thing the brunet had ever seen before he found arms wrapped around him again and he hugged back, a choked laugh bubbling from his lips before they separated enough for their lips to meet in a tender, loving kiss. Julian's hands dropped to the blond's hips, resting them there as Logan's hands moved to grip his shoulders, the two grinning against one another's lips before deepening the kiss, their tongues tentatively tangling with each another.

"YES!" The two sprung apart to see Derek jump up, his hand punching in the air and grinning wildly. "I _knew_ you two would get your shit together soon enough! Thad, get out here, you bastard! You owe me fifty bucks!" He strode down the hallway, leaving the pair to laugh at their best friend's outburst.

"Was I really _that_ oblivious?" Logan asked.

"Yeah, you were. You were the Giant Squid of Ignorance. But now" he wrapped his arms around Logan's waist, pulling him closer "you're _my_ Giant Squid of Ignorance."

The blond laughed. "I love you, Diva."

"I love you too, Squid." He grinned before the two met in another tender kiss.

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So what did you think? Please don't forget to leave a review! Reviews are love! Ciao for now peeps!


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